Quitting...the blame game about SIDS

We know the most important thing we can do as parents is to protect our children. Having a child changes our world forever. We know we will feed them, love them, cuddle them, make sure they are kept happy and healthy. If they are sick we take them to the doctor and do everything we can to keep them comfortable.

What if you tuck your wonderful bundle of joy into bed feeling blessed and confident as a parent; only to wake up discovering your little one as slipped away quietly to Heaven. This is called Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and it claims the lives of about 2,500 babies every year (statics found here). My family was affected by SIDS in 2011, when my son Rylan passed away in his sleep. Naturally our instinct is to blame ourselves, I know I did, because it is our purpose to protect our children, right?

At the time we had Rylan I already had 3 other children and now have another baby. (see here) Let me make it clear that there is nothing. I mean NOTHING that I did differently with him than I did with any of my other children. It was this fact alone that has kept my blame game at bay. But what about other parents? What about the first time parents who's baby became a victim of SIDS? They are left with blaming themselves because they have no reason to think otherwise. This breaks my heart.

Every time I talk with other SIDS parents I hear the same thing; "I blame myself". I won't lie I blamed myself too but after questioning "why" so many times and coming up without answers I have succumbed to the fact that there just are no answers. At this point there are only "recommendations" for how to reduce SIDS but even if you follow those recommendations to a tee there is no guarantee that your little one won't be the next victim. We can only pursue research to stop it. I'm not here to scare anyone or cause you to be paranoid. I am here to try and ease the minds of other SIDS parents.

I would like to say this to those parents:

                  "I know the likeliness is that you will still blame yourself at times. But I hope that when those thoughts creep into your head you think about this....For everything you did there are thousands of parents who have done the same thing with their own children and their children are fine. While that might upset you with the "Why my child, then" it may also help you to understand that it is NOTHING YOU DID WRONG!!!  Also, know that you are not alone and there are a lot of helpful support websites; two of my personal favorites are CJ Foundation for SIDS and SIDS Support - Learning to Cope "

 

Hogs for Hope - SIDS Awareness Benefit

If you have read my post about my son Rylan then you already know about our mission to stop SIDS or at least raise awareness and support research. If not you can find his story here.

After Rylan died I was contacted by a friend of mine who had a lost her child to SIDS over 40 years ago. I find it so hard to accept that SIDS has been claiming the lives of children for that amount of time or longer and we still have no answers. Although I can not have Rylan back I can make the choice to honor him and do my part in stopping this from claiming the lives of future infants.

SIDS or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is the death of an apparently healthy infant under the age of one where there is no explanation or cause of death. To me it just sounds completely unreasonable that there would be NO explanation even after a detailed autopsy is completed. There must be some reason for this horrible thing claiming the lives of several thousands of infants each year, devastating thousands of families. Sadly there is not; and quite frankly I want to know what is causing this before a child dies not after. If we can figure that out then we can stop it before it happens. At this time there are no warning signs of SIDS, the first and only symptom is death.That is why hundreds of people gathered on September 15, 2012 at the Hogs for Hope bike run/pig roast in Bellingham, MA

Hogs for Hope was established by Scott and Carolyn Zona, who are 18 years into surviving the death of their son, Coady to SIDS. This year was the 2nd annual Hogs for Hope benefit for SIDS research. Proceeds from the event were donated to the Children's Hospital in Boston, where Dr. Hannah Kinney and a team of researchers are evaluating the possibility that SIDS is caused by a developmental defect in the brain stem compromising respiratory control during sleep. Dr. Kinney and her colleagues are on the verge of pinpointing a cause and  Hogs for Hope is making great strides into supporting this important development.

In order to keep the cost down allowing it possible for more of the proceeds go directly to this cause Scott and Carolyn along with their children made t-shirts. Their teenage daughters volunteered their time face painting. Friends volunteered by cooking and many Businesses and Supporters donated items to be  raffled off. This truly was a community coming together to support a great cause. Let's stop SIDS!

Helpful links:
Hogs for Hope
What is SIDS?
What SIDS is not?
How can you help?
Awareness Bracelets
Support

This post is dedicated to Scott & Carolyn Zona, All the lives taken by SIDS including my own son, Rylan and Dr. Hannah Kinney and her team at Children's Hospital Boston.